The Bachelorette: "Guarding and protecting your heart"

Blame it on the unfortunate drought of quality television in the summer, but I have somehow ended up watching the last two episodes of ABC's The Bachelorette. This show, and its opposite counterpart, The Bachelor, has been on for several years and completed nearly 20 cycles, but I've never really watched more than a few minutes of it until now. Having seen it, I do not regret this choice, and yet I'm finding myself strangely hooked and wanting to come back.

The entire concept of this show has always seemed bizarre to me. 25 single men all vie to be chosen for a relationship (and often marriage) with one attractive woman (or vice versa). The amazing thing is that the Bachelorette or Bachelor is immediately idolized by all of the suitors, with each of them passionately striving to be chosen. Now, the chosen ones usually are hotties, so it's not that surprising, but still, what if one of the dudes just doesn't like her that much? Why is every single one of them convinced she is perfect for them? It's like there's an instant love potion the show uses. I can't imagine myself having enough energy to bother competing with that many people for a random girl I just met, no matter how attractive and awesome she seems. This is why I won't be getting cast on reality TV anytime soon, I guess.

Don't get me wrong though, I find the current Bachelorette, Ali, to be pretty darn cute. She seems genuine and nice, and not entirely unintelligent. Despite my apathy about the show initially, I do find myself rooting for her to make a good choice. Also, she apparently works for Facebook, which is just cool. Definitely good casting there.

There's something very uncomfortable and sad about the show at times. The guys are often very awkward in their dating situations. In many cases, you can't blame them. No one in real life has practice dating in this contrived scenario, where you are in a contest, and know that your date will be out with another guy the next night. Rather than make fun of them though, I often find myself covering my eyes in embarrassment, because I know I would be pretty awkward too. This aspect makes it difficult to watch at times.

But that's all washed away when people, as they so reliably do on television, start acting nuts. I will empathize with your awkwardness, but rest assured I will be laughing if you lack any self-awareness and act like a psychotic cheeseball. This week's primary culprit is a man named Kasey. Kasey wants to "guard and protect her heart." We know this because he said it approximately 80 times during the episode, to the point where it lost any possible charm it had and turned into an awful catchphrase.

And then, in a moment of classic reality awesomeness, Kasey demonstrates his affection by "spontaneously" breaking out in song. "Yeah, that's pretty intense," he says afterward. Yes, Kasey, intensely awful. In certain situations, I'm sure girls appreciate a nice serenade. But randomly inventing a melody-less, a cappella tune without any sense of irony is a no go, and the discomfort on Ali's face was clear. Kasey didn't get the hint, and broke into song again later in the date, proclaiming, "It just came to me. I guess you inspire me like that." Sure it did, buddy. Ali avoids giving him a rose, but doesn't send him home, as is customary when you fail to impress on a one-on-one date. So Kasey sticks around, and further proves his devotion insanity by getting a tattoo on his wrist for her. It's a heart being guarded or something, because he wants to guard and protect her heart, you know. He ends up not getting to show this to her by the end of the episode, which was disappointing, but may be a blessing because he gets to stick around to further bring the crazy.

The rest of the show is filled with picture perfect, elaborate dates and events set up by the producers, including a trip to Broadway's The Lion King, where the boys audition for a one-night role. The whole thing is riotously funny, particularly the jealous commentary from the other guys whenever one person is getting singled out for attention. Particularly jealousy prone is dopey weatherman Jonathan, who likes to use weather metaphors to describe his relationship with Ali. He also composes a song for her, but does not receive a rose at the end of the night for his efforts. Sad. But don't worry, next week, the show continues to provide natural, relatable dating situations by sending the crew to volcano-spewing Iceland.

At the end of the day, The Bachelorette is a trashy reality show, but it's such an odd social experiment that it becomes oddly fascinating to watch. The 2-hour runtime is a bit excessive, but in the void of summer, I can't complain about that too much. So congratulations, Bachelorette, you've gained yourself a viewer.

'Glee' recap

Can you believe it's been more than a full calendar year since this inaugural season of Glee began? It was May 19, 2009 that the pilot premiered after American Idol. Then the show took four months off before the second episode, then threw in another four month break at midseason, and now here were are, June 8, 2010, with the season finally wrapping up. I wish my school year had this many vacations. Good thing most the actors are already pushing 30, or we might have some Walt-style aging to worry about.

During this year we've been able to enjoy a show that is wildly uneven and occasionally nauseating, but which has mostly been a delight. If you can look past the abundance of pregnancy cons, the Sesame Street style "word-of-the-day" lessons, and a few too many hideous white-boy raps from Will Schuester, the show has been a refreshing change of pace. With just enough sharp humor combined with some uplifting messages and undeniably catchy takes on classic songs, the show has satisfied the public's apparent desire for a musical on television.

So how did the finale wrap things up? Sorry kids, no shocking finale deaths to be seen here. Maybe next year. This episode begins with the revelation that Sue Sylvester will be a judge at Regionals. Why would the state allow a staff member from one of the competing schools to be a judge? Don't ask questions. That is a crucial rule to follow in order to enjoy this show, silly. The normal laws of logic in the universe do not always apply. The principal also reminds us that New Directions needs to win or place at Regionals or be disbanded. What counts as "placing"? Since there's only three schools there, I guess 2nd. Again, I should not be asking questions.

Sidenote: I just recently realized the joke that "New Directions" sounds a lot like "Nude Erections." I was obviously SLOW in picking this up, but I feel the need to point it out in case anyone else has failed to notice. It makes every mention of the name infinitely more hilarious.

Cut to the whole club chilling at Mr. Schu's house, while the pregnant girl is sent to the kitchen to retrieve plates. They're depressed, see, because with Sue as a judge, they stand no chance of winning. Only Frankenteen Finn tries to keep the group's collective chins up, but he is shot down by all the Negative Nancies. They are extra depressed because when the glee club breaks up, they can't really be friends with each other.

So, Will goes out in his clunker and dies in a fiery crash hears Journey on the radio, which inspires him for this week's word to write on the board. It's no "funk," but I guess it'll do. He flips on his motivational switch, and fires up the team and announces that they'll be doing a Journey medley. Because why actually do something they've been practicing, right? Don't ask questions.

Fast forward to regionals, and we're ready to go! Sue Sylvester is accompanied at the judging booth by returning guest stars Josh Groban, Olivia Newton-John, and some anchor guy. Will delivers the line of the night, telling the fearful New Directions kids, "We've got something they don't: Finn's dancing." Finn's face's switch from "Yeah, woo!" to "Wait, what?" sold it perfectly. I bitch a lot about Cory Monteith's singing, but he does do a great job portraying Finn's dim but lovable awkwardness.

Performance time, but not before Finn tells Rachel he loves her. Lea Michele looked beautiful today, and they proceeded to tear it up with "Faithfully." One of Finn's better vocal performances, I'd say (and Rachel was fabulous as always). Then they picked up the tempo for "Anyway You Want It" and closed it out with a redux of "Don't Stop Believin'". I'm not sure this version had quite the charm of the pilot version, which always gives me goosebumps, but it did a nice job of incorporating more singers, and more of Mercedes screaming.

BUT WAIT! After bopping around onstage at 9 months pregnant, Quinn is ready to have her baby. They shoehorned an apology from her mother first. This was a nice callback, and I was glad we got some resolution to that subplot, but it probably deserved a bit more time to really feel like a payoff. Anyway, after a dramatic, water-breaking commercial break, Vocal Adrenaline performs "Bohemian Rhapsody" while Quinn delivers her baby, with Puck and her new BFF Mercedes standing by. The juxtaposition of these two scenes could have been awkward, but I actually think it worked to enhance both scenes while also sparing some time. VA's performance had a lot less flair and drama than I would have hoped, though. It was fine, but pretty run of the mill. You've got to go all out with "Bohemian Rhapsody."

I think I'm typing too much, so we'll start to wrap this up. In this world of competitive show choir, there is apparently no legitimate judging criteria; everyone just gets to pick their favorite. While the other judges boast about their celebrity and Sue seemingly targets New Directions, her tone suddenly changes to defending the students when Olivia proclaims that "Brunettes aren't meant for show business." Why was that the trigger for Sue's soft side to come out? Who knows. Honestly, we're so consistently bombarded with Sue's vileness, that when she randomly shows her heart, it seems out of character. Her primary goal the entire season was to destroy the glee club, and now we're supposed to believe that she's actually cool with it because she cares about the students? It makes for a nice moment onscreen, but we need to see a little more of this side for it to be believable.

Anyway, Vocal Adrenaline wins and New Directions gets last. Bummer. I give kudos to the show for not going the obvious route and having them win. It may make this season finale a little anticlimactic, but it's realistic, and it gives them a goal to focus on for next season. The whole club sings "To Sir, With Love" to Will, and I'll admit, it was a touching moment. Glee excels at pulling off these cheesy numbers in a way that actually makes them a bit tear-jerking. But surprise! Sue makes the principal keep the club around. Cheers all around, and a nice little "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" from Will and Puck to cap it off. Somewhere in the midst of all this was a subplot with Will and Emma, but I frankly don't care about them much at all, so I'm going to ignore that for now. Oh, and Rachel's mom adopts Quinn's baby, because she wants to be a mom, but not Rachel's mom really. Not sure how I feel about that when it was her initiative to contact Rachel in the first place. Oh well.

Overall? Very satisfying finale. No juicy cliffhangers, but I don't think we needed any. I'll be excited to see the show's progression in season 2. I'd like to see a little more coherency in some of the storylines (The Rachel-Jesse story was a jumbled, incoherent mess), and less of the forced theme weeks. What about you? How did you like the finale? What would you like to see changed about the show?

I think this post was way too long, so I may need to tweak the format going forward. I like the recap style that allows me to comment on each portion of the episode, but I'm not sure anyone wants to read this much. I'll probably shoot for a more broad, summary review next time and see how that goes. Let me know your thoughts.

Hello!

My name is Adam, and I like to watch television. This blog is going to be a place for me to write about it. If you're someone who likes TV and is interested in some snarky analysis, maybe you'll enjoy it. If you hate blogs, television, or me, you should probably just stay away.

Anyway, I'll do my best to keep this current and up to date, and we'll just see how it turns out. Enjoy!